The Geordie Smallholder

The Expert Forester has had his shed insulated so that he can work in comfort during our harsh winters. We went over to admire the results.

The Experts still have to move stuff back in, but they are considering where things should go for maximum spatial efficiency.

PS Resortation is a word, it’s on their business cards, lol.

We mentioned in the post about GS’ milestone birthday that he got a shed as a present. I thought you might like to read about the build:

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So that’s Rufus snuggled down under cover for the winter, pity he doesn’t start anymore, eek!

Cushy doesn’t like walking downhill to get at the fresh grass in her field. This is probably due to her advanced arthritis. So, instead, after eating the grass on the flat part of her field, she started to lean over the electric fence and eat the (obviously much greener) grass on the other side. This comes with the added bonus of a wee peppery kick from the electricity flowing at random times through the tapes. All was fine until she leaned over too far, put her foot through the fence, and got tape around her leg. The result was carnage for the fencing. I went out to feed the animals this morning and my first thought on opening the field gate was, “where’s the fence?”

It was in an almost perfect straight line on the grass in the field, see if you can spot it in the pictures. GS and I spent a merry morning putting the fence up across the next field so the horses could access the grass there (obviously much greener). We have been keeping this grass all summer to use as “standing hay” during the winter. I suppose with this being the first day of November, it was time to let them graze it, but I think it might have been better if we had been able to move the fence when we planned rather than being forced to alter our schedule for today.

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RIP Trixie

Sad news – one of the hens died last week. They all started to moult a few weeks ago and stopped laying eggs, but Trixie never seemed to recover herself. She spent her final few days a bit hunched over and sorry for herself and then seemed back to her old self for a while. Then one day we found her deceased.

I was going to do this post in Monty Python style (this parrot is deceased, it has ceased to be) but GSS thought it was not appropriate. So…

Goodbye Trixie, you were a good hen and thanks for all the eggs.

We had a significant birthday this month. Geordie Smallholder’s aunt came to stay to join in the celebrations.

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To mark the occasion, we had an afternoon tea with a vintage theme: EB made vintage cheese scones, the Artist-in-residence (AIR) made things on cocktail sticks stuck into a grapefruit (what do you call these?), GSM made the cake and GSW went to a supermarket for everything else haha. We toasted GS’ good health with our favourite libations. I don’t do very well drinking wine in the afternoon but EB made me do it (peer pressure is a terrible thing). So very soon we were all sleeping across the table in a sort of postprandial daze. We had left overs for days afterwards.

You are probably wondering what gifts GS got to mark this auspicious occasion? Well, wonder no more, dear readers, GS got a shed (Rufus the tractor needed a shelter). I will update you on this in my next post.

GS also got T shirts, a mug, a beer mat and other fripperies highlighting his advanced years and serious presents of a whisky tasting kit, a box for his wrist watch collection, and a very nice bottle of Scotch.

A post about the shed is coming soon!

The nights are drawing in (meaning the nights are getting longer and the days shorter, funnily enough) and it’s harvest time on the smallholding. We now know that one kilo of blackberries (or brambles as they are also known) makes one jar of jelly. Despite attempting succession planting, all the tomatoes and cucumbers ripened at the same time and I had to process what felt like half a metric tonne of produce into food. So our freezer is now packed with batches of tomato sauce and the pantry is groaning with tomato and onion chutney, mild chili jam and I still need to make green tomato chutney from the load that is left in the greenhouse. Here are some pictures:

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We had to go foraging for brambles which meant GSW hitching a lift in the back of the tractor (see my feet in the picture?). The brambles were succulent and we were soon covered in purple juice up to our elbows (and blood from the thorns scratching us). The rule is to pick above waist height leaving plenty for other creatures. We then discovered that Doofus was eating the low hanging fruit, using a process involving peeling his lips back, extending his teeth like the monster in the Aliens films, grabbing a berry between his teeth and pulling back until the plant surrendered, He did not seem to get scratched by the thorns at all. Pretty clever for a dog!

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Winter ended three weeks ago, so we’ve been really busy. Here’s a quick update:

We had some visitors from the south so we took them to our local beach and ruined castle. Geordie Smallholder got some top soil and we all took a turn unloading the trailer to help him. The plants in the polytunnel have started to grow and we are now eating freshly podded peas at nearly every meal. The horses love the pods so no waste! GS got a shot of his ride on mower by getting up earlier in the morning than GSS. Millie bought us a peony which looked fantastic and spurred me on to plant out the cottage/woodland garden at the front of the house. Our lovely neighbours were busy making next winter’s haylage, yum. Doofus and the Assassin are very friendly now, but she is still not allowed inside.

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That’s all for now, more later if it rains. Cheers, GSW.

We’ve been really busy lately so I haven’t had a chance to update you on progress. Basically we have been trying to grow stuff during a winter that never ends. We need to show winter the calendar and let it know it’s time to shove off and let spring in. I’ll take you through what we have been doing in reverse chronological order, so you are travelling backwards through time as you read this.

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We have been improving the stables, a new roof, new gutters, concrete reinforcements, two coats of paint, painted woodwork and washed windows have made it look great. We still have some jobs to do inside and then it will be the best horse hotel in the area. All other better bred equines will be jealous.

The garage (which we use as a hayshed) looked decidedly grubby against the snowy whiteness of the horse hotel, so Expert Beekeeper and GSW painted it white. It took three coats to cover the grubby, so now I know where the word “whitewash” got its meaning! GS has previously put up new gutters. We are currently painting the door with red gloss but already it is looking so much better. EB and GSW had to stand in the muck heap to paint the back wall, with EB wondering why we are always in the sh…..t, lol.

We purchased a logsplitter to take the hard work out of preparing all the logs we got from the fallen trees in the bottom field (see below). GSS is particularly good at operating it. The logsplitter is a fetching green to match Rufus the tractor.

A few days ago, GSM noticed an uninvited guest in the garden – a deer was sampling all the plants. We opened the back door and he scarpered pdq, but we may need to be extra careful when we plant veggies in the field as the local wildlife will think we have put on a buffet for them.

Doofus got his first clip since last year. He looks a bit more dignified I think.

The rain stopped long enough to allow the pond to dry out and we could see that soil run off would slowly fill the pond and stop the drains working. GS and GSS lifted the soil on the pond bottom and recycled it in the vegetable beds.

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I made treacle scones, but ever eager to make sure the Geordie Smallholder family get enough fibre in their diets, I used wholemeal self raising flour. The result was that the scones tasted alright but were termed “highland clearances”. Maybe I should patent this for people who need laxatives, lol.

Our daughter, the Vet, paid us a visit and we got to exchange Christmas presents at long last. We took her for a tour of the smallholding. Her dog, Haggis, loved Doofus and wanted to chase the cats. Doofus told him in no uncertain terms that the vermin control agents were not for chasing.

We marked out the areas in one field where we plan to grow vegetables for the neighbouring village. The Assassin came to help us. We have been planting seeds in batches every fortnight so that we can extend the harvest season. Sadly the seedlings are not as good as last year, we think this may be due to how late spring is this year. As GS said, “this time last year I was in shorts, this year I’m still in three fleeces and thermal socks”.

The Experts are happy with the bees: all four hives survived the winter and there are at least three queens. They put a brood frame from another hive into the one they suspect has no queen to see if the workers will grow a queen.

I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK

In April, we had a false spring. GS discovered that a tree in the bottom field had fallen into the stream and was blocking the water. This would result in the field getting flooded if we had heavy rain. GS called in reinforcements in the shape of Expert Forester to cut the tree up, unblocking the stream and giving us all wood for next winter/ next week when winter came back. We had a picnic lunch in the field and it snowed on us. I told you it was a false spring.

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As Monty Python sang, “I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok, I sleep all night and I work all day, I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory, on Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea. I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok, I sleep all night and I work all day, I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers, I put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars…”

That’s quite enough of that. And now for something completely different:

GS Tries Out Beekeeping

For Hens, the Lockdown is Over, For Humans Not So Much

The lockdown to stop the spread of avian flu was ended at the start of April. Here’s the hens reactions to freedom.

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I thought you might be interested in how Geordie Smallholder spends his day so I followed him around the farm yesterday. I don’t think he was very pleased as I had my phone camera set to flash all the time and I kept blinding him. That’s the price of fame lol.

After walking the dog, GS did the rounds of the farm.

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After tea, there was ordering parts needed for more guttering required, then it was lunch.

GSM made two delicious cakes, chocolate, and a plain sponge sandwich. GS couldn’t decide which one to have after his sandwich, so he had a piece of each. I did too, they were great.

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We planted seeds and onion sets in the polytunnel to try to gain a step on the short growing season we have here. We are also trying to do succession planting so that we can offer fresh produce over as long a period as possible to our future veg box customers. Our first produce should be available in July and will mainly be salad leaves, cucumbers and tomatoes.

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I made tablet successfully for the first time. Well, I say successfully but I over beat it and it’s very creamy, so much so that it’s not really tablet. Melts in the mouth though. I will see if I can keep some for the Experts, but it’s very delicious and good on ice cream yum.

The Experts came round to check the hives and feed the bees sugar as they are just starting to wake up after the worst of the winter and they will need energy to get out to the snowdrops and hellebores for food.

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Following on from the previous post, here are the gnomes which represent the Experts:

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This is the results of our efforts so far. Our outline plan is to put in a meandering path of grey gravel matching our courtyard and surround it with cottage garden plants; lupins and delphiniums and hollyhocks at the fence with plant height reducing towards the retaining wall which will have ground covering planting such as creeping phlox and campanula.

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Some of the roots and stumps are going to be really hard to remove and will be trip hazards for any one walking through. I suggested we turn them into features: every root and stump which we can’t get out to be planed flat and an ornamental garden feature stuck on with the path will curving round delightfully. I was thinking of something like this:

Or this:

Geordie Smallholder agreed this would be a good idea, but he was thing of something like this:

Or this:

GSS suggested we get some gnomes, paint their clothes black then arrange them looking down a hole as if they were at a funeral. GSS can be very dark.

I’m just terrified we end up with this:

I wanted the front garden to be an oasis of tranquility for the Geordie Smallholder family, but maybe we should get gnomes to represent each of us:

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‘Nuff said. Cheers for now.